no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
