I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
