on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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