Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
operation have a gay friend backfired
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
