i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
