I got chris browned last night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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