don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i think i have two assholes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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