i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
