I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
