I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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