I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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