if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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