Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
