Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
