just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i came on her dog
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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