I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
