i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
