May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
