i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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