true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
