dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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