i was born a porn star she said
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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