It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
