i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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