My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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