We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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