gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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