She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
