she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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