She went from zero to smokin in five shots
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
