oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
