I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
