I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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