Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
