Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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