You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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