I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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