11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
