True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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