I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
