At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
