all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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