Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
