I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
