I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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