Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
