i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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