i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
