I just made out with a guy for $7.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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