The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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