ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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