There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
