thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
