That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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