You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
