Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
