every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
