You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
