My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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