The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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