dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
