This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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