saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
