i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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