I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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