I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
