I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
