You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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