I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
