Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
