i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize