after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
nutella sex= disaster
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
