So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
