please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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