Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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